Previous Entry Share Next Entry
5 - Private to Aleera
howbadisthis?
humanityproven
Right! So, Miss Aleera, it looks like you and I have been assigned to one another, so before I go ahead and read your file is there anything that you would prefer I hear from you in person?

There are a few things I have in mind that I think it might be good to talk about sooner rather than later, if that's all right with you?

  • 1
I can't give her back, because I don't have her. I don't even know her!

If possible though, I'd like you to tell me about her. She's obviously important to you, so I think she should stay important to you, and that means... I should know at least a little about who she way.

No. This is not acceptable.

Bring back my warden. Now.

I can't do that. You must have been here long enough to know that when a Warden leaves the others can't bring them back just by wanting it more.

I'm sorry.

Try.

Now, please.

No new warden for Aleera.

I can ask the Admiral, but he won't bring her back just because of me. If that was how he worked then I'm sure there are other Wardens who'd be begging for her right now.

I'm not going to try and replace her you know?

I don't mean her job, I mean what she meant to you.

I cannot find her. I deserve no punishment. I have done as she asked.

Let me return to my own world.

I'm not punishing you, but whether you get to stay or go isn't in my control. What did she ask you to do?

To resist my hungers, Sir...

And when you go home. You plan on continuing to resist them for the rest of eternity? Do you really think you'll do that because someone told you to do it?

Do you feel any remorse? For the people who you've hurt in the past?

Why should I?

I have nothing here. I have no reason to be. Give me my release.

I know this is going to be hard for you to believe, but I really do know how that feels, but you've come so far! You can't give up now!

Someone came into your life, someone who once, I'm sure you would have just looked at as food, and she made you want to change, you denied your nature, you resisted your hunger, and all because of one person.

I'm so sorry that she's gone Aleera, but you can't throw away everything she gave you. Even if I could send you home I wouldn't do it. It wouldn't be right to her, wherever she is, to let everything she did here be meaningless.

I learned, because I saw as she saw. I became as she always was. This is not possible with most.

You refuse to grant me my freedom. This is why we have nothing further to discuss.

Aleera has no interest in you, little man. Go home before she eats you.

Becoming a different person isn't the only way to do this. The fact that you were prepared to do that at all means that there's a part of you that can do this, and you can do it even without her here.

We do have more to discuss. I'm not going to just quit because you don't want to keep trying. It's obvious that there's goodness in you and just because she was the one to bring it out doesn't mean it has to go away when she did!

Losing her brought with it a hollowness in my heart. For an age, I felt this could not be filled with screams or surrenders.

But the longer I exist in this place, the stronger those temptations become. The more annoyance I encounter, the sweeter it promises. The more frustrated I am, the more satisfactory I remember those impulses to be.

If it truly longs for my emergence from the shadows, then it should not prolong such misfortune in me.

I walk in damnation, Sir. I beget monsters and devils and now lack the reason not to cease me enjoyment of doing so. Are you to give me another? Perhaps you will offer me a virgin's heart or perhaps dear Anna trussed and willing to beg my forgiveness?

No?

Then for why should I bother with your demands?

I told you I'm not here to replace whoever went before me. Any reason that you can find to stay strong has to come from you now, and even if you don't let me promise you it will not take away how you feel from losing her. The hole you feel inside you will still be there and people will still annoy you and frustrate you and the only thing that will be better will be an illusion because when you step back and there's blood on your hands the only thing you'll only be able to think of her and what she'd think if she saw what you'd just done.

I'm not making any demands Aleera. I'm just trying to help you.

You are not a monster Aleera. You loved someone, you changed for her, and now you've lost her, and you want to make the rest of the world hurt. That's not monstrous, it's human.

Human... Why should I wish to regain such a way of being? I fly! I live eternal! I remain beautiful for always!

I do not like the way you make me think, Sir. I do not favour these thoughts or the heaviness you seek to place upon my unbeating heart.

I want only three things and you can give me none. You cannot give me Master, you cannot give me Anna and you cannot give me Giselle. Your gifts are of guilt, solitude and boredom. Aleera wants family, but she cannot have! Aleera wants games, but she cannot play! Aleera wants life, but she must make do with glasses, not throats!

This place... It has nothing for me.

Just as with you.

The heaviness is already there, I can't give you any of this, it's not something that I can do to you, but if you feel it now then it's already there, it's already inside you. Aleera, I'm sorry, but you can't have one side of this without the other. If you love someone then there's a pain that comes with losing them.

You already found something here for you, and it was new, and it was fleeting, and it was human, and just because she's gone doesn't mean that disappears.

Look. We can talk about this later, for now? I just want you to tell me about her, if you don't mind?

I do not lament the loss of many. She was like Master's other brides, to me. If you wish me to speak of her, then... Yes, we can do this.

My Master said he did not love. Perhaps this is why.

Perhaps. It's not a good life to choose though.

I'll come by your room now then. Is there anything you'd like me to bring?

Ah, sorry, I'm afraid I'm fresh out of virgins today. I'll see you in a minute.

  • 1
?

Log in