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8 - Private to Aleera
howbadisthis?
humanityproven
So.

I think It's time that we talk about what you did on Monday. First of all, I think, maybe you should tell me why you did it, and how you feel about it now.

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This place takes everything from me. Now it gives me you, where once there was Giselle.

It insults. It dishonours.

I wished for freedom from these things.

Aleera. I appreciate that you lost someone who you care for very much, but do you honestly think that even if the Wardens had given in to all of your demands you could have had her back?

How do you feel about losing?

If I could not have her, then I want family returned. I wish to go back. To return from where I was taken.

Losing... I have had little other than loss, since my arrival. What once was close to my heart was removed from me. Those for whom I start to care, they are taken, too.

Your side... They speak of lessons for us to learn. For why should I desire these teachings when my hopes always die?

I had nothing but the hunger to leave. For me to remain would have been an insult I was not prepared to endure.

Do you not understand this, boy?

I do understand. Aleera, when I first got bitten--

...

Aleera. Right now, If I could give you your family back, or Giselle back, I would do it without a second thought. I really, honestly wish that I could.

Would it be too much to ask you to tell me about them?

What when you were changed?

I do not seek your pity. You asked of my reasons. Now you have them.

What do you wish to know, that you have not already been told, boy?

It isn't pity Aleera, I'm just saying if I could give you back what you've lost then you wouldn't need to have any leverage to get it off me. It's true of all the wardens here.

...When I was changed I lost my family as well. For the same reason you don't want to be near me, I couldn't be near to them. I couldn't let this thing inside me hurt those people and I didn't know how to control it then, I didn't have anywhere I could lock myself away from it. My family, my friends, my life, my fiance. This-- this monster-- this took them all away from me. Then, every time I tried to start again? Something happened, and I had to lose it again.

The last time that happened it was Vampires, I'd just settled, just gotten a home and a job, and there were vampires who hated me, and wanted to kill me, and I didn't know why. One of them told me, that they'd come back again, and again, and that they'd kill me so I had to leave again and I said, "And then what?" Because there's only so much you can lose before you don't care about dying for the tiny inch of a life that you have left.

...Turned out, that then there was him. We-- we got jobs together, got a house together, made friends. I locked myself up every full moon, he resisted the temptation to kill everyone we knew, and then we found Annie of all things--

I'm sorry, you don't need to hear all of this. My point is-- Just because it's bad now? Doesn't mean it can't get better.

I'd like to know who they were. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've read your file, but... I think I'd rather hear about them from you, what they were like, why you cared about them, whatever you want to tell me.

It empowers you. Rids you of weakness. Why would you not embrace it? Such ways of thinking... You could have given your family new strength! Why subject yourself to loneliness?

Family was the Master... Family was Verona, Marishka - they who were there to be as sisters, upon my change. He was hollow, at war with the world. We asked for nothing but his love. Love he said did not, could not, exist...

He craved that we, alone, would not fear him.

And we wished only for our children to be given life...

Marishka did not survive to see this granted.

It is agony! This thing rips through you and takes control, it makes me-- the real me. It's like it makes me cease to exist. There's just this thing that crawls inside my skin and tears out of it, this thing that destroys everything I want to protect! If I did this too them? Then I would have taken their lives away as well.

Besides. I wasn't lonely forever.

How did you first meet the Master? Did you love him before you became a vampire or did it come with the change? And did you fear him as well?

I'm sorry about what happened to Marishka. Do you know what became of Verona?

Then perhaps God saw fit to let you know how it is to suffer as women do, yes?

Verona was the eldest of us... Dispatched by the hunter, as was Marishka. I, alone, survived to enact the Master's will.

All fear the Master. Even we, at times. Though, not as much as others...

Maybe, still at the very most you only have to do it once every nine months!

...

Okay Aleera, imagine you had a magic switch. If you leave this switch as it is, then nothing happens, and nothing changes and that's fine. On the other hand, if you flip the switch then time goes into reverse, and instead of turning into vampires and living with you and the Master, and being killed? Verona, and Marishka both live normal, human lives. They have babies, they grow old, and they both die peacefully in their sleep. Now, imagine, that if you flip the switch, then you can't turn it back again.

Would you do it?

She's a have cake and eat it, kind of girl!

This

You make things difficult.

I would... Do as I would wish... And so... And so...

Yes!

I would turn switch and turn them, myself! It is as they would want!

And then the hunter comes and kills you all again. For being vampires who kill people.

Are you sure it's as they would want?

You never answered my question earlier. Did you love the Master before he bit you, or after?

No! We would win! Only Anna distracted us, as he distracted from her...

It is as I would want from them. Why should they wish for other things? Even should they have fought me, they would come to understand.

We all understand, when it comes.

We all give of our hearts, when the change comes... And so it was with me.

But my Master did not ask for love. Master wanted brides.

Maybe they only come to understand because they don't have a choice, what if you could have given them that?

If you really care about them, would you really have been happy, knowing you took something they loved away from them?

You know that feeling of loss, when your family was taken from you. Don't you think they might have had families? Before they were killed?

Do you remember anything from before you were bitten?

You said they would die! I would be restoring, not taking from them!

Do not pester me with such imaginings, Sir! Your ideas are strange and malformed!

Death makes life meaningful! The act of aging, of getting older, knowing that one day this is going to end? That's what motivates people to treasure their lives and to accomplish things with them and you would be taking that away from them!

We won't imagine anymore though if you don't want too. But I still would like to know if you remember anything from before your change.

Yes... And then I grant them new lives! Allow them to be reborn! Why should one settle for rotting, when one could be as the phoenix arising from ashes?

Yes, boy, I remember... And they are not for you to know.

It's not life though, is it? Not their lives. You just do to them what someone else did to you. You're just passing on your curse to people you claim you care about.

Not right now perhaps, but we will talk about this Aleera.

No curse, to me... Only a gift!

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